Her Hoodedness
by Jane Davis
Summary: The tale of the warrior outlawess that we all know and adore - Maid Marian.
1. Of Drunken Uncles and Disgusting Dukes

Marian sat in her chair by the fire, soaking up the warmth from the dying flames on the cool March afternoon and reading her favorite book over again. It was partly for enjoyment, and partly because her uncle hated it when she read.

There was a knock at the door.

"Would you get that, Nurse?" Marian drawled, not wanting to get up from her comfortable position by the fire.

"Yes, milady," her nurse muttered.

Marian smirked. The portly wet nurse was angry at her again. Luckily, Marian was a noble and the nurse was a peasant, and angry was all the nurse could get.

Marian could hear a whispered conversation at the door. It was starting to annoy her. She concentrated more firmly on her book, determined to drown out the hisses behind her. She found her distraction, not in the pages of the book, but in a particularly large pustule located on her chin.

Suddenly, a hand flew out of nowhere and landed on the guilty hand.

"What was that for?" she cried angrily, sitting up and turning to the culprit.

"If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, milady: don't pick at your pimples and sit up straight," Nurse snapped back.

As soon as Nurse's back was turned, Marian made a particularly ugly face.

"If you're not careful, your face might freeze that way," Rosalyn, the irritable maid told her.

Oh, it's her, Marian thought. No wonder the conversation was annoying.

"Your uncle is waiting in the library for you, lady," Nurse added.

Marian turned to look at her in hearing the odd tone in her voice. Was it pity?

"I suggest you not keep him waiting, miss," Rosalyn sneered.

Marian scowled at her, then got up, combed her hair with her fingers to make it look semi-decent, and strode out of the room.

"Saint Peter, but is she in for it," Rosalyn laughed to Nurse as she followed in Marian's wake.

Marian knocked twice on her uncle's study door before entering.

"Marian, my dear," her uncle wheezed from his chair near the fire.

"Good evening, uncle," she answered stiffly. She noticed another man sitting in the chair next to her uncle, and he was now eyeing her in a less than charming manner.

"My, is it that late already, niece? Ah, so it is," her uncle chortled back at her. He indicated the strange and ugly man sitting next to him. "This is the Duke of Fontaine. He will join us for dinner this evening. He's traveled a great distance to be here with us."

Marian held out her hand to the foreigner, as custom required.

"How good it is to meet you finally, Marian," he greeted throatily.

Marian forced herself to keep a polite face, but it was hard when his stench bombarded her nose in the way it did.

"It is...rather good to meet you, too, sir," she choked as her eyes filled with water.

"My dear, are you quite all right?"the duke inquired, concerned.

"I'm fine," Marian told him, getting her breathing back under control.

The duke looked relieved, but her uncle looked quite indifferent.

"Shall we eat?"

Dinner was a morbid affair. Marian could hardly touch her food, thanks to the duke's unfortunate hygiene problems, but even if she had an appetite, it would most certainly have been taken away by the duke's eating habits. He ate twice as much food as a horse could eat, and could probably eat twice that if most of what he was eating didn't end up on his tunic.

That explains why he smells so awful, then, Marian thought.

"Marian, dear, are you feeling all right?" the duke asked several times.

"Yes, quite fine, sir," she always answered, more than a little perturbed at the pet name.

After dinner, all three of them retired to Marian's uncle's sitting room. He and the duke sat and fought loudly over politics, getting louder with the steadily increasing amounts of wine both were indulging in. Marian was forced to sit there and embroider, one task she particularly despised, while avoiding both flailing fists and insults.

"Prince John or King Richard, neither of them did much good for the kingdom!" her uncle shouted blearily.

"I disagree, sir! Prince John has done the greatest good! I got a tax break on my land because my son died in the Crusades. He has led us to a time of great prosperity."

Both men seethed at each other for a moment.

Marian decided to break the tension.

"So, dear Duke, where is it that you said you lived?"

The Duke turned to her, leering at her in what he must have thought was a kind fashion.

"I live just outside of Fontaine, dear, on a lovely plantation about seventy acres wide and one hundred acres long. It's quite beautiful. You should visit there someday."

"I shall remember that kind offer, sir," Marian said politely.

"Quite the hostess, eh, Alan?" Marian's uncle chortled.

"She is at that, Ivan, she is at that," the duke agreed, with somewhat of a greedy look in his eyes.

"Well, Alan, let's get down to business: how much would you say she's worth?"

The duke thought for a moment as Marian looked on in increasing horror, steadily crushing her needlework in her fist.

"I'd say maybe...a hundred crowns."

"A hundred crowns? Well, I don't know about that. She can hardly embroider, and she likes to read too much. What do you say to seventy-five?"

"Well - "

"What do you think you're doing?" Marian cried when she could take the dialogue no longer. "What makes you think you can – can just barter me off like some kind of – whore?"

Marian's uncle's face darkened in rage. "How dare you - "

"How dare I what? How dare I stand up for myself? Save myself from this – this pig?" Marian indicated the duke with her crumpled and ruined embroidery.

"Now see here - " the duke began angrily.

"No, you see here!" Marian cried, discarding her embroidery on the floor and standing up, stretching to her full height. "I will not be traded, bartered, or bribed into a marriage with you, a complete stranger. You will follow the rules of courtship and call on me like a proper gentleman, not conduct a business contract under my nose!"

A ringing silence followed after Marian's tirade.

"Duke," her uncle said quietly, his eyes trained on Marian, "I trust you can find your own way to your quarters? I regret that Marian is unable to show you."

The duke nodded tersely, and strode out the door.

Marian's uncle took a few slow steps toward Marian, then his fist flew out of nowhere and connected with the side of her face. The force of the blow knocked her clean off her feet, and her head landed hard with a loud crack on the cold stone floor. Dazed, Marian didn't notice her uncle had approached until a chunky foot connected with her stomach. Marian groaned in pain, then realized it was a mistake, as her uncle kicked her in the same place, harder. He kept kicking her until she had no breath left to make a sound. Then he planted a large foot firmly on her wrist, making it creak in protest. With his right hand, he gathered some of her silky, waist-length hair and pulled until her face was forced to look up into his.

"Do you realize I never had to take you in?" he murmured softly. "I could have just left you in the ruins of your father's castle to die, and I would not have this problem. But I took you in. And now look at you; you're ungrateful. You should be thanking me on bended knee. This has come from my being too soft on you.

"But you'll soon be cured of you ingratitude. The duke is less forgiving when his wife makes a mistake, as you'll soon learn. For you will marry the duke, and you will make no sound about it. Understood?"

He forced Marian's head to bob up and down.

"Good."

He lifted her up by her hair, pulling out several strands by the roots; then he pulled her out of his study and down the hall to her room, pulled her in and threw her down on the floor.

"Sweet dreams, Marian," he said softly.

Then he closed the door and Marian could hear the lock click into place.

Marian dragged herself closer to the fire and rested her head on the soft rug. Suddenly, she was tired. Tired of her uncle's beatings, tired of her scolding nurse, tired of Rosalyn who always seemed to rub Marian the wrong way. Suddenly, Marian was tired of everything in her life, and she wanted to do something about it.

She dragged herself to her feet, wincing at her sore stomach muscles.

"That's going to leave a mark," she muttered to herself.

Slowly, Marian dragged herself around the room, despite her aching body, and prepared herself for the worst time of her life.

A black horse and cloaked rider pounded away from the dark manor at a revolting hour. Another horse, and a somewhat rounder rider, quickly followed suit.

Both riders disappeared into the forest.

A short time later, the second horse approached the first. Suddenly, the first horse wheeled around and reared, its eyes rolling into the back of its head.

"What do you want with me?" the first rider cried.

"Milady, it's me," the second rider replied.

The first horse calmed, and the rider rode closer to the second horse.

"Nurse?" the first rider asked incredulously.

"Yes, of course it's me, Marian you wench," the second retorted. "Who else in their right mind would be following you?"

Marian was silent for a moment.

"Why did you follow me, Nurse?"

"You're going to need some help if you want to get through these woods. You'd get lost in a quarter hour."

"I don't need to be coddled," Marian told her sharply.

"Who said anything about coddling?" Nurse asked, looking back to glare at Marian, or at least as well as she could in a dark forest. "'Tisn't coddling if it's the truth. You will get lost. I am here to guide you. No fuss, no muss.

"Now," Nurse continued, wheeling her dapple grey around, "let's get going. We have a far distance to cover before dawn. Your uncle will be out looking for us."

"Shouldn't we make camp for the night?" Marian asked, determined to be rid of the old nurse.

"You shan't get rid of me that easily, Marian. No, we shouldn't make camp for the night, because we're not even a quarter mile from the manor. Where's your head, girl?"

Marian sighed. She'd have to wait until they stopped to get rid of the suffering busybody.

Unfortunately, Nurse drove a harder bargain than expected. They rode hard all night, only stopping a few times to water the horses. Then it was back on the road, riding as hard as the horses' strengths would allow.

Upon daybreak, they found a dark thicket big enough to hide the horses in, and Marian fell upon the ground and was asleep instantly.

Marian awoke to sunlight streaming in her eyes. It seemed to be midmorning from the angle of the sun. Marian sat up quietly and took a quick look at her surroundings. Nurse was still asleep, and the horses were munching lethargically on some nearby leaves.

Marian got up and started to sneak over to her horse. Suddenly, she tripped over a root and fell flat on her face. She propped herself up and looked back at her foot. Then she groaned.

She had not tripped over a root, but a piece of rope – that just so happened to be attached to her ankle. Marian's eyes followed the length of the rope and realized that the other side was firmly attached to a wide-awake nurse.

"Nice try, milady," her nurse drawled. "I see you've underestimated me. Glad to see I didn't do the same for you.

"Go back to sleep. We have another night's hard riding ahead of us."

"Let me go, peasant!" Marian commanded through clenched teeth.

Nurse's eyebrows shot skyward. "That's a nice way to treat the woman who raised you almost from birth."

"And an even nicer way to treat the girl you raised almost from birth. I will not be your prisoner."

"Fine!" Nurse retorted, fumbling with the twine that bound them together. Loosening it, she threw the end that was previously attached to her at Marian. "Leave. See what I care. But you won't get very far."

With that, Nurse rolled over, her back to Marian.

Marian sat for a few minutes, stunned. Was she really free to go?

Wait, she thought, suddenly suspicious. This is exactly what she wants me to do. Well, I'll show her. I'll stay right here. That'll teach her not to mess with me.

Marian sat with her arms crossed, waiting for Nurse to roll over and tie her up again. But she didn't. Gradually, her snores grew louder, and Marian realized that the woman was asleep. So Marian curled up on the ground to wait for her to roll over and announce that it was a silly joke, that she would be going back to the manor and leave Marian to continue on alone.

Marian didn't realize until she woke up later that she'd fallen asleep waiting.


	2. Of Sausage and Sullenness

Marian awoke to the smell and sound of sausage simmering slowly.

She peeled her eyes open slowly and had to shut them again quickly because of the bright light streaming through the trees.

"Nice of you to finally join me, milady," came a sarcastic voice from Marian's right.

"You're in a wonderful mood, Nurse," Marian replied dryly.

"Out here it's Rebecca, milady. You're no longer in need of a nurse. I am strictly a guide."

Marian's eyes snapped open at Nurse's tone, and she sat up, ignoring the bright light.

"Why do I not need a nurse?" she asked sharply.

"You're almost fifteen, milady," Nurse – Rebecca – retorted. "I should have left you months ago."

"I will decide when I am no longer in need of a nurse. Is that understood?"

Rebecca's eyebrows lifted and almost disappeared into her flyaway hair.

"And will you also decide where we will go and when? Last I checked, I was the one who knew where to go. But feel free to relieve me from my responsibilities if you know of a better place, since you are the all-knowing noble."

Marian shut her mouth tightly and scowled, but otherwise did nothing.

"I thought so."

Rebecca scooped two sausages out onto a piece of bark and handed it to Marian.

"Eat."

Marian studied the bark dubiously. Who knew where it had been?

"Are you sure?"

Nurse snapped her fingers.

"That's what I forgot – the fine china! I knew there was something missing when I packed."

Marian stared at her.

"Eat it, milady. It's good for you. A little bit of dirt never hurt anybody."

After not eating anything and Rebecca yelling at Marian for throwing her portion in the fire, the duo set out.

They rode for hours, only stopping for minutes at a time to water the horses, and once just for an hour to eat the midday meal.

Near dusk, Marian and Rebecca were scouting for shelter, Marian quite sullenly. They had gotten in another argument today, when they stopped for the midday meal. It started when Rebecca had told Marian to go collect firewood for the fire.

"No, I certainly will not. That is a serving maid's job, and as we have no serving maid, that's you." It was quite reasonable for Marian to not want to collect firewood. She'd get her hands dirty, and with no scented water to cleanse her hands with, getting her hands dirty was not a possibility.

Rebecca had looked at her quite blankly for a moment.

"Well, we need firewood, Rebecca. Go get it," she told her, wondering if the woman was dim. Marian sat down on a log and began to brush the horse hair off of her skirt. She didn't even hear Rebecca until she had her hand clamped around Marian's wrist.

"Marian," she began, dragging Marian toward the forest, "I've raised you since childhood and I've learned to live with your many whims and moods. But I will never learn how to live with you high and mighty queen mood, and I never will because you will never act like that again. Understood?"

By the end of Rebecca's speech, they were at the edge of the forest, and Rebecca pushed Marian into the trees, where Marian stumbled and fell upon her arse with an "Oof!"

"Now go collect firewood." With that, Rebecca turned around and went back to unloading the food from the saddle bags.

So now, as they searched for a campsite, you can understand why Marian was so angry.

Marian was so immersed in her self-pity that she never saw the man that suddenly dropped from above.


End file.
